Here's to Husbands

My husband Jeff has been doing job training 6 states away the last couple weeks.  I've been hit, just today actually, with the sharp realization of how important the masculine/feminine balance is in the home. 

My kids miss their dad like crazy.  As hard as I try, I cannot muster up the same kick-back (yet robust) energy that my husband has.  How is it that the more I try to be hearty and cool the more my children think an alien has infiltrated their mother's life form? 

I have a lump in my throat at the prospect of him not coming back.  I know he will, but there's that anxiety-ridden little "what if" nagging at the back of my mind.  What if he dies in a plane crash?  What if he has a brain aneurysm? 

I am the queen of what ifs.  Jeff always laughs at me when I ask completely ridiculous hypothetical questions like, "If I gained 100 pounds, would you still be attracted to me?" or "If I had a stroke and became a vegetable, would you keep a vigil by my bedside?"

How many morbid scenarios can I paint before I internalize this man's unconditional love?  It's times like these, in his absence, that I realize I've taken for granted how blessed I am.  I have a husband who supports my dedication to stay-at-home motherhood while simultaneously booting me out the door to forward my life mission.  I've taken for granted the fact that he "sees" me.  I've taken for granted his very presence.

I was looking for something on my computer today and ran across this silly picture of us. He took it on a random Saturday morning last year while we were out walking.  It's completely geeky, but compounded the lump in my throat. 

I'm not even sure if he knows how much I miss him, because every time he calls I am in the middle of settling fights between children, cleaning up dog puke, knee-deep in projects, trying to decide what to make for dinner, making dinner, pulling through the driveway at Wendy's to pretend to make dinner, running kids to sports and music, reminding kids to practice sports and music...and a myriad of other second-priority-to-wifehood duties.

I just taught Divine Order at a conference on Saturday:  God, Self, Family, Humanity, Earth.  If a woman is married, her husband is her highest family priority.  Why is it so easy to blaze right past the masculine creature?  

I have some ideas on that, but I'll expound later.  That lump in my throat is not just about anxiety at the prospect of not having my husband come back.  It is a boat-load of unexpressed words that need to take form. 

I have a phone call to make